Friendship at Our Fingertips: How Technology Is Transforming Social Interaction

13/2/2023

Friendship at Our Fingertips: How Technology Is Transforming Social Interaction

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Throughout my educational journey, from kindergarten to graduate school, I had the opportunity to interact with over 500 classmates. Now, I only maintain contact with fewer than three of them. This reflects that classmates are often assigned randomly, determined by our location and proximity. Classmates in my generation tend to come from diverse backgrounds and interests, leading to divergent paths in life.

This is equally applicable to coworkers unless we share a common goal that brings us together. More often, corporate coworkers only focus on job stability and receiving their paychecks on time.

Although serendipitous encounters in the physical world can be enjoyable, as a high-agency person who values taking the initiative, it is better to seek out friendship actively rather than wait for chance encounters.

I met most of my closest friends through the Internet, using digital platforms and creating online content. I used to experience a sense of intellectual isolation, feeling as though I couldn't find my "tribe" in the physical world. However, the Internet has provided a solution to this problem for me.

If you, like my former self, feel invisible or unconnected to any community in the physical world, here are some tips for making friends and establishing connections with people from around the globe.

Stage One: Utilise Third-Party Platforms

I find dating apps to be an effective tool for making friends, as they often display a comprehensive user profile. In my profile, I clearly state my intention to seek friendship rather than romance. Most of my conversations on those apps focus on physical and mental health or exchange podcast lists and book recommendations to help each other extend our knowledge base.

On many occasions, my dates or potential friends have taken me on tours of their favourite local spots or shared travel tips, which gave me an excellent opportunity to get to know them personally and understand their preferences. That's a great starting point for building a friendship.

When travelling, I like to use Airbnb to stay with locals, as they are typically the first source of information in a new environment. I also utilise platforms such as Nomadlist, Meetup, Workaway and others that foster community and networking to meet new people.

Although relying on third-party tools necessitates chance encounters through proximity, it allows me to familiarise myself with potential acquaintances via their online profiles, in contrast to meeting an utterly unfamiliar person in person. Despite this, I remain eager to forge connections with individuals who share my interests worldwide.

Stage Two: Attract Friends on the Same Wavelength

Creating online content can be an effective and low-risk way to connect with individuals who share your interests and alleviate feelings of loneliness. As David Perrell notes in his article How to Maximise Serendipity,

"if you publish content (such as blogs, podcasts, videos, etc.) regularly, people will discover you and initiate unexpected opportunities."

So true.

During my high school years, I started blogging on MySpace, primarily reviewing football games, movies, and books. I was pleasantly surprised to have met numerous like-minded online friends through my blog. My mother was amazed that I always had someone to connect with during my school holiday travels and initially worried about the safety of having "online friends," which was not widely accepted at the time. But, as I am still alive and well, she need not worry anymore!

Nowadays, I like to DM or cold email people I want to connect with and invite them to my podcast. Although I have decent social skills, I admit I HATE small talk. Fortunately, employing my podcast as a pretext permits me to circumvent this issue by relying on my curiosity to pose pertinent questions and discuss topics of mutual interest without resorting to small talk, merely sharing and exchanging ideas.

Perfecto!

Finally, another approach is to mention individuals (@) publicly. Here is two of my favourite examples below. It is crucial to remember that the key is not to overwhelm individuals with irrelevant messages or idle conversation, but to concentrate on imparting value.

@matthewsyed HUGE fan of your work. Read bounce when I was 14 and changed me forever.

The emails that you are sending out are so below par! It’s often ending up in spam + formatted all wrong.

My background is online marketing. Would love to help for FREE to say thank you.
— George Mack (@george__mack) October 11, 2019

I've asked @levelsio to come on the pod 5 times.

He says yes but we can't lock in a date.

I love him. And I know you people want to talk to him.

So, I'm posting this to guilt him into joining us.

Brother, lets do this.
— Sam Parr (@thesamparr) June 8, 2022

Stage Three: Go from Online to IRL

Balaji emphasises the importance of proof-of-human and begins holding in-person meetups in the physical world in today's age. I love meeting my online audience in person and often let my followers know about my upcoming travels on social media and in my newsletters. From Chengdu to Glasgow and from Melbourne to Madeira, I am delighted to find out they are all over the world!

One reader in London took me on a tour of her university campus because she remembered me mentioning my love for the British academic atmosphere; Another invited me to join her dinner group because she knew of my passion for local cuisines.

I am always grateful for their hospitality, and in return, I will share my knowledge and answer their questions face-to-face. It's a win-win situation that leads to making new friends. The most rewarding aspect of meeting in person is seeing and knowing my content's positive impact on others. There's nothing quite like that feeling!

Tips on Successful Meetup IRL

When it comes to meeting online friends in person, it is essential to keep in mind that people are complex and multifaceted. What initially attracted me to them may only be a small part of their overall personality.

For this reason, I try not to have high expectations or unrealistic fantasies about who I will meet, and only aim to have a good conversation and make an effort to contribute to the interaction.

To avoid potential awkwardness, I prefer to have our meeting take place while walking within a set timeframe. If the conversation isn't going well, I won't feel trapped in a confined space, like a restaurant or café, and I won't have to make an awkward exit. I can look around, ask questions about my surroundings, or share my observations with moveable scenes. The bonus point is that it can also help me reach my daily goal of 10,000 steps.

If the conversation is going well, I may suggest extending our meeting to spend more time together. Having the option to leave or stay while having a specific agenda in advance reduces my stress about potentially unsuccessful meetups and gives me the confidence and flexibility to make new friends.

As a sports enthusiast, I participate in many online communities and clubs associated with various teams, where we collectively share our fervour for football tactics or F1 drivers. However, suppose I anticipate conversing with them about philosophy or literature. In that case, I may be disenchanted as these subjects are outside their expertise (10% chances are, but still rare).

Over the years, I have realised that it is not necessary for my friends to be my soulmates, who comprehend multiple aspects of my life. Rather, it suffices to share a connection and engage in stimulating discussions on at least one topic.

Many people complain that the older they get, the more challenging it is to make friends. I am the opposite. The more mature I become, the more I know who I am, what I need and who I can be friends with.

Thanks to technology, we now have endless opportunities to connect with people globally. There's no reason to stay isolated and lament about a lack of understanding.

With determination, anything is possible.

One last thing to remember is that we are an average of five friends around us. So, choose your friends wisely, review your contacts regularly, and meet your online friends IRL!

p.s. I'm going to travel to Singapore and London in March and back to Lisbon in April. If you'd like to grab a coffee for a chat, feel free to DM me.