I’m not really there…

Photo Credit: Stefano Pollio

In seven minutes, there will be a raven flying towards me and hit on my stomach, and die.

I’m not a prophet, nor a witch, but I do have an ability that others may not yet acquire.

I dream everyday like most of you.

Unlike most of you, I remember my dream vividly, even better than my memory.

People like to describe they have Déjà vu in reality.

I have Déjà vu all the time. To be precise, I live again what happened in my dream.

During my childhood, I thought everyone was like me. We dream, we remember, and we live.

I shared my dreams with friends and families, but they rarely shared their dreams because they hardly remember everything that happened in their dream.

People around me didn’t pay much attention to my dreams either. They are too busy to indulge themselves in the non-stop news circle on social media.

I was happily living my life twice until I realise I was the special one.

In my second year of junior high school, I dreamt my mum died from a car accident. I tried to persuade her to stay home for the rest of her life. Of course, she wouldn’t listen.

Yes, I know what’s going to happen but don’t know when.

My mum died from a car accident 32 days after my dream.

My dad blamed me for cursing her to die. He believed if I didn’t tell her, she’s going to die from a car accident. She would have lived now. He sent me away to a boarding school to avoid seeing me anymore.

I was horrified about this ability to know the future but could not stop what would happen.

I asked around people if they share a similar experience with me. But no one said yes.

People think I’m crazy when I tell them what to avoid or what will happen based on my dream. Even when I am always right, people won’t believe me because I don’t tell them WHEN.

To avoid being sent to the mental hospital, I shut my mouth and try to live everyday life like anybody else.

Most of my dreams are full of antidotes that are not interested at all, but some are worth remembering because it involves death and catastrophe.

I dreamt of 911, Titanic, Antonine Plague, first cyber-human, and a couple of strangers’ death. I realise there is no timeline in my dream, and everything just happened without the time order.

I’m able to trace back history books to do fact-check of my dream. However, some historical events written in books are just totally different from my dream.

Nowadays, social media are full of fake news; then imagine what happened to history?

I don’t know what truly happened in the past. Shall I believe a book or my own mind?

I also start to question the future events in my dream. What if I think I’m dreaming of the future, but those events have already happened in the past?

Time is always confused me.

Time feels real to people, but there is no time variable in the fundamental equations that describe the world.

Those questions drive me crazy. Why I have this dreaming and remembering ability, but others don’t?

The human brain is designed to find a pattern and predict what’s going to happen. I write down everything I dreamt of and start to study them.

Unfortunately, I haven’t found any clue.

My dreams are so random without any timeline. One night I was in a space station with Russian and Chinese astronomers, and the next night I was back in Meiji era plotting an assassination of the emperor.

The more I try to figure out my dream, the less memory of my reality I remembered.

I feel like I have lived a thousand years with so many detailed events carved in my mind, but I hardly remember who I talked to and their names in reality.

Which world am I in? Which world is more real to me?

Recently, I had a dream that I’m a fictional character written by a mystery writer.

She wrote that I’m going to be hit by an angry black and glossy raven at Hyde Park while walking around 9 am on February 20, 2021.

This is the first time the specific date and time appeared in my dream.

I was super excited because I could finally do something to alter the event.

I decided to stay home on that day and laugh out loud that how on earth I will be in London since I’m living in Auckland.

Seven minutes to 9 am on the day. Nothing happened.

I watched the digits on my Apple Watch hits 9 am, and nothing happened.

Since then, I lost my ability to dream.

I become a normal person living on earth, just like most of you.

I feel such a relief because, with great ability, you have to take equal responsibility. Since I cannot change the reality, what’s the point for me to know the past or future? Why not just happily living in the present and have a good sleep.

Meanwhile, in another universe, at 9 am on February 20, 2021, an angry raven flying towards me and hit on my stomach, and die in front of me at Hyde Park while I’m doing my morning jogging.

I know nothing I could do but be.

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